siam in your face

..

We started off waking up after a massive night, in which we witness, &rocked out to the obscurely humongous pop sensation that is The Richman Toy.! &we met &talked to them after wards. It was fuck-off awesome.

Anyways. We had 4hours sleep.. &were off to the Thai jungle wilderness. A place where Tigers roam free &do not really have a problem with eating your face..

Not really. I’m just trying to impress you. But. What it lacked in dangerous face-eating carnivorous animals, it made up in serene beauty. The place was nice. &looking around all the time at the light shining through the trees, and the green mountain side made the 3&abit hour walk a little less painful.

&I forgot to say. Before this we went Chang riding. (Chang means elephant (But it is pronounced “Chung”)) Corey &our Chaung decided that the path we were on was lame &went a wall. Tried the climb a mountain-side the crazy bastard. &then it’s trainer got it into submission by hitting it in the head a couple of times.. Gnarly stuff.

When we arrived at the village. We are pretty tired. &laid down for a little bit. &got massaged by the local 60+ elderly village woman. Or in my case. A 60+ elderly village woman, &some random teenage dude who rocked up while I had my eyes closed.. &that’s where we leave it.

Then at night time, our tour guide, P P, who we found out during our walk had a very strong impression with the female anatomy, &”sticking it in every hole”, also that his favorite sport was wanking (which he told me in private), played these games on us that kinda pissed you off, &make him so happy. Then afterwards a French couple smoked some weed together offered it around. P P hit it up, &so did our early 60’s American walking companion. Funny shit.

I went to bed.

&in the morning we watched the sunrise. Got our tourist &took a photo of it. Which I might put up later for viewing. If I can be fucked. For now I’ll describe it.

“Good”

I hope that ties you over until the photo, if ever, comes up upon this screen in front of you.

Then after the sunrise. We went back to sleep for an hour. Had breakfast. Kept things brief &then started to walk. Left foot. Right foot.

At one point we were high enough to see low lying clouds cover a couple of mountains. Pretty wesh. &then we walked a little more. &then we went to a waterfall. &swam. Pretty wesh.

From the waterfall. We walked towards another water-themed adventure. WHITEWATERRAFTING.!

It was also pretty wesh. Nothing too extreme though. Had a good time. Aside from being called a ladyboy.

&then we went bamboo rafting. It is like it sounds.. “Bamboo rafting”.

&then that was it. We had some Pad Thai &got a lift home.

Happy Time.

I love you.

Love Jamie.

just chillin. grand palace.

14 hour train ride up from Bangkok, GG.

It was pretty comfortable though. Had a top bunk sleeper with enough room to set my bags down and sleep in it comfortably. Got served by a seemingly homo attendant who looked like he had face planted in a pavlova and then it had dried in the Bangkok heat. Nasty bro.

We got on at 10 and after got settled got a meal from the back carriage. More expensive than the food around Bangkok, and didn’t taste as good. But wasn’t bad. The old lady that was running the joint tried to get us drunk or something. MORE BEER? MORE BEER? :D

No thanks. Spoke to an Irish dude over dinner, didn’t get his name. And a quiet German dude that ate rice and soy sauce. What a noob. Oh well.

The same Thai song was on repeat the whole god damn time - I think it’s like the current smash hit with young people or something. These four Thai boys around our age were getting seriously into it, air guitaring and drumming n’ shit. Seeing as the only line in English is “YOUUU LUUUV MEEE AND AIII LUUUV YUUU” (nasally, at that) , it’s the only bit we sing. And we sing it way too fucking often. Expect it back home ok?

Chang Mai is quieter than BKK, as expected, but not as quiet as Kanchanaburi (which I didn’t expect). And it’s got trendy coffee shops popping up everywhere like mushrooms. Wtf? Like, this is actually a trendy ass place. Kinda bohemian - with local designer boutiques, modern coffee shops and al fresco dining and all that stuff. It’s not to say I don’t like it here - I do - but the abundance of coffee shops seems to have taken up food places. Cmon Chang Mai, I really like you, but you suck in the food department (unless I’m not looking hard enough)… Oh well.

YOUUU LUUUV MEEE AND AIII LUUUV YOU - Novan. x

..

Bangkok is like a very attractive woman who you go out with. But after sex she slaps you. &she smells very bad in certain areas.

Enticing. Slightly painful after a good time. &smelly.

I can safely say I have never stepped foot in a place like it. Busy. Busy. Busy. People everywhere. Enough food vendors to make hippo cry. A lot of friendly looking men who tell you that you are stupid, &”fuck you”, if you do not believe their claims of a ‘special Buddha Day’. Temples are beautiful, and out of this world. Novan, Corey, &myself sat in the Emmerald Buddha room, in silence, as we couldn’t justify our amazements with words. Feral cats &dogs roam the streets.

Walking the streets at night time. You witness an array of things. Beggars that range from a little child to an old deformed man. Men wanting to invite you into a situation that will be sure to give you “Sexual.! Big sexual.! Blowjob.!”. Stalls selling everything. Ninja stars. Tasers. &tee shirts.

Down in Kanchanaburi everything was taken down a few notches. Quiet &peaceful. A change that was not not liked by all. We stayed in rooms that were floating on the River Kwai. Pretty fucking awesome. We rode elephants. The one that Novan &I were on took a poop while we were on the back of it. &also had a penis that was the length of it’s own leg. &almost as wide. Also the bamboo ride we took was the shit. &if Novan pushed me off &went downstream on the raft, arms held high, yelling “I HAVE NO REGRETS.!” it would of been incredible.

Well. I am sure there are things I have missed out. But. As the title states, I am only adding to Novan’s amazing description of our trip thus far.

I love you.

Love Jamie.

Alright so, conmen are a plenty around here. Basically they prey on uneducated tourists to tax them with as much money as possible, or get them involved in scams.

1. TUK TUKS

Basically, don’t catch one in Bangkok. The fare is usually too good to be true. They will usually get you to pay for their “fuel vouchers”, and take you to “Government endorsed” gem shops - that tell you to buy gems for a fraction of the price to sell back at home - only to find they are fake.
When you walk down the street you will more often than not be asked to get one. We usually just say no and keep walking.

2. NICE GUYS ON STREET

These guys have made an art out of lying and being damn good at it. We almost fell for the first guy! Until he told us to go to certain places. These guys will always tell you to go to a “Big Buddha” that is only open today, or go to the T.A.T for information. Just dont go there. These guys are fun to deal with sometimes though I guess… e.g FUCK YOU STUPID guy.

3. TAXI DRIVERS

Not as bad. Just insist on a meter. Or they will try to charge you like 500 baht for a 200 baht trip.

4. BIRD LADY’S

Not really scammers as much as odd begging… This happened to us outside the Grand Palace.. These ladies came up to us with bags of corn seeds, putting a bunch of the bags in our hands saying GOOD LUCK GOOD LUCK! I just thought it was a Buddhist thing seeing as it was right outside sacred temples and areas, so I obliged and took a handful and threw it for the pigeons to eat.

Then they kept doing it… over and over. Forcefully putting it in your hands. We’re like HEY WHAT THE FUCK!?

Had to be firm and tell them to get lost, but not before they tried to get 200 baht out of me . Hell no. I insisted on 10 baht, ended up giving them 20.

Ask Jamie and Corey how much they gave … suckers ;)

Escaping from the hectic urban jungle that is Bangkok to Kanchanaburi was a wise choice. Even though our first taxi driver didn’t know where the fuck he was going - he took us to a wrong train station.

The next taxi driver seemed a little sinister and kept playing 80s heart break music. I.e Careless Whispers by George Michael, that one that goes “Everytime you goooo away… you take a piece of meee with you” and “Knife… cuts like a knife….”. We shared the cabs with a big Australian dude that just spent time in England and Egypt - a fairly direct bloke who seemed better off going it alone, and prefered it that way. Oh well, thanks for the cheaper cab ride bro!

After all that we missed the train to Kanchanaburi… and ended up having to catch another cab to the bus station and caught a 3-something hour bus trip. And that wasn’t without its conundrum - Corey needed to piss SO BAD that we had to stop at some shop. A better option than pissing in a bottle in front of a bunch of Thai people. HAHA…

Kanchanaburi was really chilled out. There was one main strip with hostels and bars, we stayed just off one at Sam’s River Guesthouse - only 300 Baht ($10 AUD) a night, for a double room, so split between two people. Right on the River Kwai. Was really peaceful and took some time to hit us seeing as we just came from Bangkok…

We took a stroll not long after in our surroundings - found a Chinese influenced temple nearby that we didn’t even know about (just stumbled upon it). Went up to the shrines to find a local guy just chillin and doin’ some paperwork, a big laughing Buddha around the corner and the main temple on the bank of the river just up from it. We were the only foreigners there, which made it all the more special. Going to the upper level, saw a monk who showed us how to properly pay respects at the shrine - three prostrations from kneeling. We ended up walking through a school yard (that looked more like a temple complex), the streets and markets. The people here are kind and intrigued by tourists - the school girls all say hi curiously and we reply with a really bad Wai and “Sawatdeeeee”….

Ended up havin’ beers at a bar called Buddaha (sic) Bar, which we quickly found was a major stoner bar. With drug paraphernalia, pro Cannabis posters and Rastafarian stuff everywhere, and the bar owner blasting Bob Marley. This couple across from us were high as balls and absolutely trippin on this light. A great little bar.

Next day we ended up riding Elephants at Taweechai Elephant Park, a cool experience though me being me I couldn’t help but have feelings of pity and guilt in the back of my mind. The mahouts seemed like real gnarly fuckers - machette wielding and rough riders. Got to feed the elephants bananas for 20 baht too (90c?). That was really cool. Then went bamboo rafting, swam in the upper tier of the Erawan Waterfalls (40 minute hike up and down!) and then went to Death Railway that the POW’s built.

We were going to go to Ayuthaya from Kanchana… but Decided to give Ayuthaya a big “fuck you” so we could return to Bangkok again, alas, so we could go to Chang Mai in one piece. Hey, we can’t see everything.

let me know how you’re all going, we’re having a great time.

love Novan

Hey all,

The flight was 9 hours - with good entertainment, which we needed seeing as the flight felt like it went for a million years. I watched Up and State Of Play on the plane. Then proceeded to get owned in multiplayer bowling by Jamie and Corey.

Landing in BKK. I was okay, adjusted to the heat pretty quickly. The sights, I was okay with having been to a similar country before. Whole familys on scooters, whores, intense traffic and smells went in and over my head. Not sure how my buddies Jamie and Corey felt seeing as theyve never been. I kinda wish I was in their position, everything completely new and different. But its not to say it wasn’t exciting for me. One thing I still cant swallow or get used to is the socio-economics. Slums and beggars in upscale districts, with skylines as far as the eye can see. Not to be a downer, but I its something that tests your morals a bit - watching kids on the streets beg. But anyhow…

Not quite Khao San Rd (less of a shithole, I think) but we stayed at a brilliant guesthouse called Soi1 Guesthouse in Sukhumvit. It was budget but really clean, and the help/information is second to none. I definitely recommend it to any hostel/guesthouse in BKK. Especially for first timers.  We met a German traveller Nils, who we are still travelling with now (currently in Kanchanaburi). Champ!

Soi1 Guesthouse is still smack bang in the middle of night clubs, transport and FOOD. Nothing beats a 40 baht ($1+ AUD) Bangkok meal - most of the time we ate at a night food market, which turned into clothes and snack food stalls by day. Not that you’d pick it but it was seriously solid food - better than the upscale shit at the Malls (300-700 baht) and better or just as good as the stuff youd pay $12+ for in Oz.

Learned to adjust and get used to the crowds and hustlebustle pretty quick. You just cross roads and not give a shit I guess… with common sense applied. Also learning effective ways of refusing whorehouse promoters, pimps, hoes, ladyboys, scammers (which I will go into abit more later) and ripoffs.

Ofcourse, Bangkok isn’t Bangkok without its seedy underbelly and red light districts. Somewhere I opted to stay home for at first, and now I know why I decided to in the first place. I won’t go into it, but its a repugnant and vile terrible hell hole. Don’t believe the hype, enough said.

Having said that the beauty in this city is ironic in the way that it exists in the face of all the terrible scammers, crime etc. But the beautiful and rich culture and history really does shine above all. The Grand Palace is nothing but surreal. Huge complex of gold, royal blues, shrines, sculptures and paintings of Thailand’s epic glory days. The city itself is riddled with countless temples, which are all lovely to us but I’m sure totally ordinary to the average Bangkokite (?).

Personally, my highlight was Lumpinee Stadium, the mecca of Muay Thai in the world. A childhood dream fulfilled, with everything I ever hoped it to be. The battling EYs and OYs after every unanswered leg kick, knee, punch. And watching the Wall Street esque betting in the upper tiers, which I could never hope to get as a foreigner in first class ringside seats.

Am about to leave soon, will type more. Love you all….

x - Novan

PS Jamie and Corey will ad to this blog.